Wednesday, January 5, 2011

I Happen to Be There Myself in a High Fever Taking My Plastic Medicine Seriously with the Doctors, Who Are Dying

Did you know Washington DC has a professional soccer team?

It's true! but not for long if Kevin Payne's whipping it out and slapping it on the table is to be believed:
While the club continues to explore stadium opportunities in Washington, United is taking a hard look at the Maryland Stadium Authority's economic feasibility study concerning a mixed-use waterfront project in the Westport area near Interstate 95 and Camden Yards in Baltimore.

"Our name is D.C. United, but we're not playing [tactical] games here," team president Kevin Payne told the Insider. "Baltimore has dealt with us in good faith and it's a very good opportunity. It's a good location. The developer has also dealt with us in very good faith. We believe Baltimore can get something done. It's a real opportunity."

Notice the dissonance between Payne's statements we're not playing [tactical] games here and dealt with us in very good faith, since Payne is playing crudely obvious and obnoxious tactical games here.
Payne said he hopes to meet with D.C. Mayor Vincent C. Gray this month to discuss a possible project in Washington, United's home since its inception in 1996. There are no talks with any jurisdictions in the Maryland suburbs or Northern Virginia, Payne added.

"We would love to be in Virginia," Payne said, noting that more United supporters are from there than any other area. Based on where those fans live, "the ideal location would probably be Tysons Corner, but it's very difficult to make a stadium work in Virginia because the state and municipalities will not provide any credit enhancement at all. I think it's a very shortsighted position, and that's why there are no professional teams in Virginia. I don't see any realistic way we could build a stadium in Virginia."
Fuck-me-jig, I don't blame United for waving the first tiny hammer they've had in years at the assholes in DC and the crooks in PG and the developers in NOVA who aren't wasting a square foot of real estate on a soccer stadium where there could be high-end condos, and I won't blame Will Chang for not wanting to lose money into perpetuity and will be brokenhearted and bathetically self-pitying (double beyond normal) when United moves, even to Baltimore, but the idea of Kevin Payne threatening local jurisdictions as if he had a bullwhip makes me giggle.

Speaking of giggling, please recalibrate, with irony, humor, and a larger comprehension of just how fucked we are, your clusterfuck-compass after reviewing the following ranking of the most influential Left intellectuals in Europe:

1. Paul Krugman
2. Juergen Habermas
3. Slavoj Zizek
4. Anthony Giddens
5. Daniel Cohn-Bendit
6. Umberto Eco
7. Zygmund Bauman, Poul Nyrup Rasmussen
9. Oskar Lafontaine
10. Ulrich Beck
11. Manuel Castells, Ed Miliband
13. Alain Baidou
14. Julian Assange, Joschka Fischer
16. Helmut Schmidt
17. David Held, Alain Touraine
19. Neal Lawson, Jacques Ranciere

The list goes to 50 and I'm not on it, meaning I must have been 51st.


James Tate

I like to see doctors cough.
What kind of human being
would grab all your money
just when you're down?
I'm not saying they enjoy this:
"Sorry, Mr. Rodriguez, that's it,
no hope! You might as well
hand over your wallet." Hell no,
they'd rather be playing golf
and swapping jokes about our feet.

Some of them smoke marijuana
and are alcoholics, and their moral
turpitude is famous: who gets to see
most sex organs in the world? Not
poets. With the hours they keep
they need drugs more than anyone.
Germ city, there's no hope
looking down those fire-engine throats.
They're bound to get sick themselves
sometime; and I happen to be there
myself in a high fever
taking my plastic medicine seriously
with the doctors, who are dying.


  1. 52nd!!!

    P.S. I see you skipped past Turtleman in today's Stanley Kaplan WaPoop, lecturing the Democrats about filibuster reform.

    I tried briefly using MS Paint to create my own Turtleman jpeg, but alas I must trudge off to the dungeon before finishing.

  2. I'm not worried about academics becoming useless. Assuming I'm not dead, I'll be too busy defending our fresh Lake Erie water from all you marauding heathens.

    If that's your writing, you should have majored in medicine.


    Two days ago I decided I really, really needed to transfer all of my various different lists (in my head, bookmarked sites, printed out lists, handwritten, wishlists at various stores, etc.) of books I want to read into one central location. And last night I had to track down the Barthelme syllabus again, because the place I had seen it three years ago no longer had it. And now today you post it.


  4. Serendipity! And thanks for bump at your place. I know you were being Kind, but I got an email back at the old place (before you joined in, I think) ripping me for "competitive blogwhoring" with all the links. Well, duh and all, of course I'm an attention slut - I'm a fucking blogger - but he completely refused to accept any chance I might be Kind too.

  5. I've never understood why "blogwhoring" should be considered a bad thing...and like I said, people who provide lots of links for me to look at are damned useful. Hah--you're useful.