Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Politics Is a Grain of Rice Stuck in the Mouth of a King

You cannot live in Washington DC and not know when something KABOOMS! with the Redskins, and the benching of Donovan McNabb in the last two minutes of the fourth quarter with the Redskins down six is KABOOM! enough, but when the head coach says McNabb isn't smart enough to grasp the terminology of the plays, isn't smart enough to call two plays in one huddle, well, KABLOOEY! Shanahan's a pig (I once posted a photo of him leading a Bush rally in Colorado, but thirty seconds at google and I can't find it), may or not be a racist, but he didn't use the language he used, after all his year's of experience as a head coach, accidentally.

I'm told this election is KABOOM! I don't know if it is, but as someone who used to think every election is KABOOM! this election isn't KABOOM! to me. I haven't donated a penny. All this talk about me voting or not, I used to give money to the DNC, they don't need my fucking vote, they don't even need my money though they want it. Rahm Emanuel calls me a fucking idiot? Obama dismisses my concerns as childish and unrealistic. Corporate, Democratic Division, doesn't send these messages accidentally.

I will literally cross that street and vote today Yes on Question A and for the apple ballot for BoE at the request of loved ones. I will not be holding my nose, though having that motherfucking insufferable assclown TBogg quoted at me as goad almost makes me not vote. Still, this election cycle I'm neither kaboom or anti-kaboom, I'm just no-kaboom.

Last Friday the drivetime hosts warned to not get carried away if the Skins went into the bye 5-3, if they'd been 3-5, after last season? we'd have signed up for that and then yesterday, gleeful KABLOOEY! the world is ending! and there will be another election in two years with daily media KABOOMS! every other day until Corporate, Democratic Division, still thinking me a fucking retard and leftist loon, decides they again need my money and vote and make me promises they've no intention of keeping, and I'll forget all the KABOOMS! but remember I'm a fucking retard. I may never get to anti-kaboom. I'll be happy to stay no-kaboom.


Denise Duhamel

The perfect voter has a smile but no eyes,
maybe not even a nose or hair on his or her toes,
maybe not even a single sperm cell, ovum, little paramecium.
Politics is a slug copulating in a Poughkeepsie garden.
Politics is a grain of rice stuck in the mouth
of a king. I voted for a clump of cells,
anything to believe in, true as rain, sure as red wheat.
I carried my ballots around like smokes, pondered big questions,
resources and need, stars and planets, prehistoric
languages. I sat on Alice's mushroom in Central Park,
smoked longingly in the direction of the mayor's mansion.
Someday I won't politic anymore, my big heart will stop
loving America and I'll leave her as easy as a marriage,
splitting our assets, hoping to get the advantage
before the other side yells: Wow! America,
Vespucci's first name and home of free and brave, Te amo.


  1. Is that pumpkin sporting the histrionic visage of George Allen?

    I remember the footage of him leading some clapfest postgame with Billy and the Gang. If all of America did that, we'd be better off. Hey, can't be any worse than placing trust in clowns.

  2. You and I had our say yesterday, and it is seriously totally my bad that I didn't exempt you from today's post, because really? I wasn't pointing that thing at you personally. Really. Apologies and respects to you, personally, wherever or not the not-goad takes you.

  3. Separately: for a guy who's been away from helmetball for so long, your analytical instincts are still in perfectly good shape. That bit totally turned Shanny from okay to evil in one second.

  4. When does Donovan McNabb finally do the right thing and just punch a motherfucker, huh?

  5. ...and does ESPN have any mumblers who aren't breathless wankers? It's like a telenovella without the camp, acted by players who have no grasp of irony, never mind tenor and tone...

  6. My theory on Kabloom is that Shanny's boy, the offensive coordinator, told dad that the failure of the offense wasn't his fault, that it was McNabb who just couldn't grasp what he was up to. And like any dad stupid enough to employ and be the boss of his boy, he sat the Evil McNabb down. (Not saying, however, that race didn't have anything to do with it.)

    I'm not going to whine to you about voting. Except to say that I wrote in a vote for Comptroller. The election helper-person explained that I shouldn't write it on the glass of the machine making me profoundly aware of the intellectual capacity of my fellow voters.

    Oh yeah. The name was Louis Goldstein.

  7. Two for Louie. It's a movement.

    There's certainly some correlation here that makes it evident that Redskins coaches don't remember Doug Williams. On the other hand, Redskins coaches had Pat Ramsey beaten into senselessness before they threw him under the bus, too.

    Another movement I'm down with: Punch A Motherfucker Party.

  8. Gatecrashing again but a need to commiserate.
    Not voting:
    Around a decade ago at around this time I would have been headed to the House Office Building with the cafeteria where smoking was allowed in order to grab a few slices to accompany a close reading of the latest Atlantic Monthly and now... weird innit that I am the cynical one? Backwards.

  9. I heard that Shan retracted, saying something like McNabb didn't have the cardio for the 2-minute. But, hey, at least we can all relish a 1-6 Cowboys squad. That's almost enough to pull my interest back into NFL in the annual slack time b/w the World Series (hey, who pitched those Giants pitch for pitch by the way? 4 one-run games, and a trough-full of frickin' errors and a seriously depleted side [2 all-star infield starters, two quality starting pitchers, and at least two relievers, not including one of the top three closers] sorry about the rant; and no the Braves didn't have the hitting the Phillies did]) and college basketball (the Heels will be back this year and take at least one game away from the Blue Devils).

  10. (who pitched the Giants pitch-for-pitch? The Phillies did)

  11. Richard,

    ^also. (It prolly woulda' helped if Howard had shown up too.)

    Not sure the Bravos, if they'd gotten by SF, could've taken Philly. But it would've been better than the Sept. series.

    Too bad you couldn't get down to DC Saturday. Catch you next time.

    Jim H.