Sunday, April 17, 2011

Toronto 0, United 3

Before I say positive things about United, the issue of Nodax's shocking suckitude needs discussing. Here's Landru:

You probably haven't heard this here before, but Dax McCarty sucks. He just completely fucking sucks, and it's galling that he's our fucking captain. He has no touch, his set pieces blow, he attacks the ball on defense but waits for it on offense. He's a greasy, whining, ineffectual ginger daywalker freakazoid, and he can't go away fast enough.

Here's SeatSix, via email, on Nodax:

Jeebus, Dax sucks. 3 on 2 breakaway and he passes it straight to the guys in red

then adds (in another email complaining about (keeper Bill) Hamid's distribution):

dax sitting on the bench would make me happy.

It's true. Nodax sucks. United won 0-3 despite fucking Nodax blowing. Slow, unimaginative, unskilled. Diving, whinging, dirty (Fullback says "gritty"). Maybe he doesn't fit the system, but anyone who can make Fredsux look valuable by comparison sucks. Suck suckity suck unto suckity suck. Suck.

(But, um, that was the best game I can recall ever seeing Fredsux play. He gave United a width on the right absent until yesterday. His motor ran on high all game. He tracked back on defense, he pestered Toronto's midfielders, he distributed from the back, he ran into space, he played balls into space, and his ball to Pontius for the third goal was brilliant.)

Mind, Toronto is awful, slow, disorganized, wedged into a 4-3-3 they don't have the personnel to play, and they contributed as much to their loss as United. Still, encouraging signs (and I apologize; I don't have recent experience of writing about United winning games 3-0, much less 0-3):

  • Davies opens up huge tracts of space for other United players to run into.
  • Wolff is settling into Jaime's old withdrawn, ball-holding forward.
  • Yes, Pontius' brace was great, but I doubt many other teams will allow him to go to his "signature move" (as he called it in a post-game interview).
  • Clyde Simms is quietly the team's lynch pin.
  • Nodax sucks unto suckity suck sucks.
  • While it's VERY encouraging to see three rookies on back-line (Korb, Kitchen, White) play so well in run of play (White looks REALLY good), set pieces are going to kill this team unless the back four get it together.
  • Hamid still yippy, but he's going to be great.

Long way to go, but United already has almost a quarter of the points after five games they had over thirty games last season. Toronto could have been as awful versus last year's United and last year's United wouldn't have won convincingly 0-3. The team's pace, energy, and intensity is (despite Nodax) noticeably faster, more constant and persistent. I stop my jinxing there.

Thursday night, RFK, which will be bouncing, versus the New Jersey Metros, to whose fans, should any read this shitty blog, I ask this simple question, sung to the melody of the chorus of Camptown Races:

How many trophies have you won?

and answer:

Not a fucking one.


  1. We just completed our plans for our birthday-weekend visit to New York, with side trip to New Jersey. Stepbro says he's upgraded his seats "significantly," which is way cool--his seats for their first season in the new place weren't shabby (and their Meadowlands seats were pretty good).

    I'm having a serious "he's a little bitch" problem with Davies. That'd be a more significant problem if he didn't score every freaking game.

  2. Excellent. We'll be making the first of countless trips to Gambier to visit Planet the weekend of October 2-3 when I'll be attending United v Yellow in Columbus.

    Davies acts like he's too good to be playing in MLS. He's probably right. Enjoy him this year. He's probably back at Sochaux next year.

  3. Don't think FSC showed it, but after scoring, Davies ran over in front of U-Sector and did "the Carlton Dance" (as in the Fresh Prince of Bel Air). I can't even imagine how furious I'd be if, say, Donovan did that to Loud Side, but at the same time I love seeing that kind of swagger from United for a change. I love being the bad guys.

    On a bus rolling back through Buffalo now. Best away trip I've had in a very very very long time. Anything to declare? Yes, 3 points.