Thursday, August 25, 2011

Correct Answers: C, D, D, B, B, A, B, A, A, C, B, B, B, C, B, D, B, D, C.

I hadn't thought about Stu Spasm and Lubricated Goat in a dozen years until Irwin played Stu's Thunderball cover at precisely the microsecond I needed to laugh out loud in a cumulative kaboom, a cleansing bwack, a shut-the-front-door snort.

Good day. I've remembered Lubricated Goat. My daughter is strong and brave. I'm increasingly convinced Woof is a wondercat. I've got a date Friday night to eat the best Indian food in Mocoland and then see a movie. I'm gonna STAND! for United with three of my favorite people in a hurricane Saturday night. I'm not urped, this second, with a trapped laugh of complicit guilt in any of my worlds. Castigate me.


Linh Dinh

Invaders invariably call themselves:

a) berserkers
b) marauders
c) frankincense
d) liberators

Our enemies hate us because:

a) we’re sadists
b) we’re hypocrites
c) we shafted them
d) we value freedom

Our friends hate us because:

a) we’re bullies
b) we hate them
c) we’re hypocrites
d) we value freedom

Pushed to the ground and kicked by a gang of soldiers, about to be shot, you can save your life by brandishing:

a) an uzi
b) a crucifix
c) the Constitution
d) a poem

A poem can:

a) start a war
b) stanch a wound
c) titillate the masses
d) shame a nation

Poets are:

a) clowns
b) parasites
c) legislators
d) terrorists

A nation’s standing in the world is determined by:

a) its buying power
b) its military might
c) its cultural heritage
d) God

A country is rich because of:

a) its enlightened population
b) its political system
c) its small stick
d) its geography

A country is poor because of:

a) its ignorant population
b) its political system
c) its small stick
d) its geography

A man’s dignity is determined by:

a) his appearance (skin color, height, etc)
b) his willingness to use violence
c) his command of English
d) his blue passport

Those willing to die for their beliefs are:

a) idealists
b) terrorists
c) suckers
d) insane

Those willing to die for nothing are:

a) principled
b) patriotic
c) insane
d) cowards


a) abuse language
b) hit and run
c) shock and awe
d) rely on ingenuity

Smart weapons:

a) render hopeless and dormant kinetic objects
b) kill softly
c) save lives
d) slaughter by science

Pain is:

a) payback for evil-doers
b) a common misfortune
c) compelling drama
d) suck it up!

Humiliation is:

a) the ultimate thrill for bored perverts
b) inevitable in an unequal relationship
c) a fear factor
d) sexy and cathartic

The media’s job is:

a) to seduce
b) to spread
c) to sell
d) to drug

The Internet:

a) allows us to be pure minds
b) connects us to distant bodies
c) disconnects us from the nearest minds and bodies
d) improves illiteracy

Pornography is:

a) a lie that exposes the truth
b) a needed breather from civilization
c) class warfare
d) nostalgia for the garden of Eden

Correct answers: c,d,d,b,b,a,b,a,a,c,b,b,b,c,b,d,b,d,c.
—If you scored 14-19, you’re a well adjusted person, a home-owner, with and income of at least $50,000 a year.
—If you scored 8-13, you either rent or live with your parents, never exercise, and consume at least a 6-pack a day.
—if you scored 7 or less, you’re in trouble with the FBI and/or the IRS, cut your own hair, and use public transit as your primary mode of transportation.


  1. You must share where you think the best Indian food in mocoland is.

  2. And no, it won't be Perry. The money folks don't think they can control him. He's too stupid. You seem to have forgotten what is the most important.

    (Enough castigation?)

  3. Haandi, on Fairmont in Bethesda's upper triangle.

    I bet Corporate thinks they can control Perry, and since four more years of Obama will accomplish more than any GOPer could do, an out of control Perry might be just what Corporte wants.

  4. You must share where you think the best Indian food in mocoland is.


  5. A book so angry, it comes with its own buckshot to the face.

    I hope RFK plays that awful Scorpions song, no the other one, no, the other one.

  6. Thanks. I usually go someplace on Connecticut Ave near Calvert

  7. I didn't know how to score my quiz; I kept selecting 'all of the above'. Though I meant 'none of the above'.

    IRWIN!! Guy can absolutely make your afternoon. Spat many a diet beverage through my nostrils during his 'Atrocious Music' sets.

    Ate great Indian on Ricky Gervais's block in London. It was a tad milder than we have here in the ATL. Bhindi masala = fried okra just like mom used to make. Are you going South or North-style? Makes a difference.

    re hurricanes: watch for flash flooding when driving.

    re Cheney: 'It is alive'.

    Linkage gratitutinage

  8. You're seeing a movie?

    Linkage gratitutinage part deux.

  9. Heh, was asked please, said yes, on the condition that we agree on the movie. Pray for me.

  10. Not only does the practice utilize millions of gallons of freshwater per frack (taken from lakes, rivers, or municipal water supplies), the toxic chemicals mixed in the water to make it "slick" endanger groundwater aquifers and threaten to pollute nearby water-wells.

    Hey, what could go wrong?

  11. Hadn't had reason to think of Lubricated Goat in a forever. All of sudden I'm remembering how much I enjoyed it a DJ at my college station played "New Kind of Animal," and I want to hear them again.

    Love the poem. Hadn't encountered it before. Thanks.

  12. Fuck you and fuck all fucking poets. Just fuck you. Fucking self-absorbed wanker hipster creeps, even when you get to nearing age 90 and corpsifying. That's not fucking poetry, that's 10 minutes of work for our wives, followed by 2 hours of grading, followed by 10 minutes of bitching about it to us while we try to fucking do something on the fucking computer.

    And the absolute worst fucking part of it is that you knew, with certainty, that you would draw precisely this fucking reaction from me when you fucking posted that fucking goat shit and called it fucking poetry.

    Fucking sheepraper.


    Yep. See you Saturday, not sure of my accompaniment--storm could cause a sudden babysitting crisis, and the contingency plans so far have failed. Worst case is she's screwed, though. Kisses.

  13. Well, if I can't take advantage of a good mood, then verily fuck me.

    Earthgirl: You're not going to the game in a hurricane are you?

    Me: - Contemptuous stare of duh -

    Earthgirl: Moron.

  14. Dear Earthgirl,

    I am moron!

    Love always,