Monday, September 8, 2014

Powered by Intel, the Useless Crap I Sell Will Leave You More or Less Annoyed

I was told and then told again yesterday that I've never explained my fall out of love with DC United. I beg to differ, but here, from July 31st, the key line from that post:

Here is the sentence that needs typing so I don't need to keep thinking about typing it: I don't want to dress in uniform and stand and chant and scream for mercenaries as ludicrous mimicry and reinforcement of tribal patriotic loyalty any more.

Pointed out not for nyah (much) but with relief I didn't just imagine I'd already yodeled that post, more relief I don't have to write that post again, and as a vital reminder of what I need to remember harder.


  1. It wasn't the suck. It was the callous suck. The short periodicity of the turnaround only confirmed the callousness. Boswell (T, not B) is a prat, but he's not a dumbass, and the First Precept of Boswell (paraphrased) has always been: you're never as good as your best, never as bad as your worst. DCU's existence right now is purely Boswellian. As with all good sports runs, it's serendipity and attitude and energy. What if DeRosario had played with the same kind of energy, enthusiasm, and fuck-giving, ever, in our laundry as Arnaud has this season? When you roll the dice on guys like him and Boswell (B, not T) and splash a little cash on a variable-luminosity wanker like Johnson, sometimes you come up boxcars (and it's remarkable how little they spent on a player of Johnson's potential quality, given what other teams spend on guys who are just squat Eurobricks). The team is still easily exposed by solidly built MLS clubs, and it's less of a paper bag in the wind than it's been since the last MLS Cup win. It's the business cycle, is all.

    And for us, we just don't have the time. We barely have time to watch them on the teewee (and certainly not when our pals at Comcast decide to only show the second half, at 11 PM), although we certainly watched them beat the RedScum a week ago.

    So sure, they're doing great, and I'd rather they did great than somebody else did. But it's just Eddie Johnson and Davy Fucking Arnaud wearing my team's laundry. So fuck it.

    1. They pissed me off more customer service-wise than on the field (I did go to all games in other suck seasons, after all, taking pride in going to all the suck games) - I know I'm the only one who cares about the 7:00 start, so I'll write that off. It was the raising of prices and reduction of tickets per season, from twenty down to seventeen, no extra free games, for instance.

      But it really is as I said in post: I just don't want to play at devotion any more.

  2. Thanks, fellas. And I get it. But what I don't get is 'what has changed?'

    What is any sports ball team these days—college or pro? And their fandom? It's all moneyball—tho' not quite in the Billy Beane sense. I've long questioned my UNC and Braves loyalties, don't have real rooting interest in helmetball or NBA or NHL. Then I look at Euro soccer: just like in the MLS they run around with a corporate logo on their chest. WTFF? For years here, I gently chided you and Landru about your 'VW Uniteds'. I could as easily have asked, why you withdrew your support when the team changed its kit blazon.

    Sports is entertainment. And it is business. It has been that way since time immemorial. Doubtlessly, it's always been sponsored to placate political disaffection and dissatisfaction. Yet, in channeling our aggression into staged mock tribal partisan 'battles', we (theoretically) abstain from mindless warfare. Give or take.

    People make money off it, too. Always have. A shit ton, if they are owners or management or stars. Less so, if vendors or scrubs.

    Maybe we should all be GB Packers fans—collective ownership and all that.

    And don't get me started on the 'fantasy' sports craze. That shit's doubly insane.

    1. Nothing has changed re: sports/corporate, etc. What's changed is *me.* I don't feel like playing at devotion any more is all.

  3. the lambchop lyrics you use as to head today's post remind me of the first sentence of a tate poem from which you took your title line just a few days ago

    And what amazes me is that none of our modern inventions
    surprise or interest him, even a little.