I am back in Maryland and don't want to mow the lawn. I miss the house on Coon Hill Road, I miss the hikes on the Waterloo-Pinckney, I miss my wife (staying an extra week), I miss my daughter (staying the rest of her life), I do not miss Michigan. I don't want to go back to work. I'd like to read but can't and I can't blame my eyes, nothing works long before my eyes would tire which they do in five minutes. I can't stop thinking about the Jackson County sheriff trailing me in his pick-up for five minutes, running my plates, or the guy fishing Portage River from the bridge on Wooster Road almost every time we drove by who set the fish he caught on the bridge to flail to death tortured and frightened. Maryland is famous for fishing and all cops are bastards and I've got as much shit from locals buying a bottle of water in Garrett County Maryland as I did buying water in the Portage Lake bodega. I went down the generous blogroll of late lamented ::: wood s lot ::: this morning, easily more than half dead. I still feel compelled to compile these links. What I can't write about Michigan trumps Trump Michigan and empties Maryland. We've booked the house on Coon Hill for the third week in October
DECEMBER 2, 2002
As it happens every night, beloveds, while we turned in the night sleeping uneasily the world went on without us. We live in our own time zone and there are only a small million of us in this time zone and the world as a result has a tendency to begin and end without us. While we turned sleeping uneasily at least ten were injured in a bomb blast in Bombay and four killed in Palestine. While we turned sleeping uneasily a warehouse of food aid was destroyed, stocks on upbeat sales soared, Australia threatened first strikes, there was heavy gunfire in the city of Man, the Belarus ambassador to Japan went missing, a cruise ship caught fire, on yet another cruise ship many got sick, and the pope made a statement against xenophobia. While we turned sleeping uneasily perhaps J Lo gave Ben a prenuptial demand for sex four times a week. While we turned sleeping uneasily Liam Gallagher brawled and irate fans complained that "Popstars: The Rivals" was fixed. While we turned sleeping uneasily the Supreme Court agreed to hear the case of whether university admissions may favor racial minorities. While we turned sleeping uneasily poachers caught sturgeon in the reed-filled Caspian, which shelters boar and wolves, and some of the residents on the space shuttle planned a return flight to the US. Beloveds, our world is small and isolated. We live our lives in six hundred square feet about a quarter mile from the shore on land that is seven hundred square miles and five thousand miles from the nearest land mass. Despite our isolation, there is no escape from the news of how many days are left in the Iraq inspections. The news poll for today was should we invade Iraq now or should we wait until the inspections are complete and we tried to laugh together at this question but our laughter was uneasy and we just decided to turn off the television that arrives to us from those other time zones. Beloveds, we do not know how to live our lives with any agency outside of our bed. It makes me angry that how we live in our bed—full of connected loving and full of isolated sleep and dreaming also—has no relevance to the rest of the world. How can the power of our combination of intimacy and isolation have so little power outside the space of our bed? Beloveds, the shuttle is set to return home and out the window of the shuttle one can see the earth. "How massive the earth is; how minute the atmosphere," one of the astronauts notes. Beloveds, what do we do but keep breathing as best we can this minute atmosphere?