Wednesday, May 10, 2023

You Must Come to Them Sideways

I'm sitting in my carrel debating where the best possible place I could wedge my body if an asshole with a semi-automatic systematically worked his way through the fourth floor including machine-gunning through carrels' locked doors, I think far left corner under the desk from where I type this, the filing cabinet under the desk would hopefully stop all but the floor scraping bullets and the angle of the wall means most of the bullets would ricochet away from me though what subsequent ricochets would inflict on me I don't know. I'd twist myself in a curl so my ass and legs take as much of the damage as possible though I think this means my death by shooting will linger much longer and with far more anguish than if I just took seven bullets directly to my head and body

Seethe. Mthrfckng this, mthrfckng that. Mthrfcking crckrs, mthrfckng Dmcrts, mthrfckng pgs, mthrfckng shtlrds. Have seethed, am seething, will seethe. I can't read, even poetry, I can't write, even poetry. I sit where I read and write and can't read and can't write. I can paint and watch paint dry

The clstrfck not as much fun as I thought it would be, debating whether I'll be shot in a shopping center parking lot or beaten to death by mthrfckng pigs before I'm eating catfood in my cardboard box condo in a mthrfckng chrstr dystopia after shtlrds steal my pension, 401K, and the house we own in full. Seething and painting = diminished pings from yinz; seething = increased pings from bots; laugh. I can paint the below but never emotionally achieve it though come the closest in the painting of it even though I can only paint placemats

*LL *OPS *RE *ASTARDS. Every single one
*LL *OPS *RE *ASTARDS. Every single one
I'm fckng agitated, are you going to kill me?
*LL *OPS *RE *ASTARDS. Every single one
*LL *OPS *RE *ASTARDS. Every single one
Fascism, the far right, and the threat to democracy
Shitlords WANT the internet to suck
Rerunning Biden's Blunderland, or: Today in mthrfckng Democrats
Shitlords will steal my pension and IRAs by 2030 and probably much sooner
Denial of RealityFRESH HELL
Saving lives and making a killing
Maggie's weeklyMEAN IMAGES
Fiction just wasn’t speaking to me, there was too much going on in the real world that was previously unimaginable, & there were also things going on in my own life that were falling apart along w the country. Yet as a writer, writing the only way I knew how to process it.
{ feuilleton }'s weeklyIf it's cooked on the same grill as dead animals it's not vegetarian
Reminder: this shitty blog's Seething Anthem


Charles Simic

You must come to them sideways
In rooms webbed in shadow,
Sneak a view of their emptiness
Without them catching
A glimpse of you in return.
The secret is,
Even the empty bed is a burden to them,
A pretense.
They are more themselves keeping
The company of a blank wall,
The company of time and eternity
Which, begging your pardon,
Cast no image
As they admire themselves in the mirror,
While you stand to the side
Pulling a hanky out
To wipe your brow surreptitiously.


  1. The other two are great (esp. the bottom) but the TOP ONE! THE TOP ONE! The controlled blurt of intermediate colors! It's a medieval fen, gods' eye view! I want a wall of that! I need to spend money and get a beamer and pirate your work. Daughter is old enough and avant garde-inclined; Wife is open minded. I can do weird things to the castle, now! (But the only big blank wall is in the kitchen... )

  2. PS Is it "yinz" or are you being blog-throttled?

    1. Mostly it's dying Blegsylvania aided greatly by my falling off the daily radar of twitter deserters since Melon bought it, though a few digibuds have told me that while they agree with much of what I say and don't even mind how I say it they are trying to disengage from *their* over-engagement with the clusterfuck and the anger and anxiety that comes with that. As in everything, I'd like to think it me but know that blogobsolescence is wide and rampant. Just look at the blogrolls at my place - I'd bet there are more in the two mortuaries than in all the active combined

    2. Sobering! I guess the next step is to adopt the options of the youth. Try our hands at Onlyfans.

  3. 0/with regard to the placemats, i think you have found your métier

    1/speaking of twitter, drudgereport has a picture representing the hypothetical new female president to be appointed by elon m. - missus charley identified the image at a glance

    2/in this world in which we live in, the situation continues to develop, not necessarily to our advantage

    nevertheless, one could look at

  4. I enjoy the paintings, hope you keep doing em. Been lurking and rarely commenting for I dunno 20 years, miss arguing in whoisioz comments. Don’t let the clusterfuck burn your brain out.

  5. here's a surprising assertion:

    You Don't Have To Choose Between Happiness And Being Informed

    It's true that we live in an insane mind-controlled dystopia that's built upon a dying world, but you can still live a happy, satisfied life with a full knowledge of everything that's going on.

    1. see also which links to johnstone's humanity is not asleep, it's in an induced coma

  6. I've been where it's a certainty -- not just a possibility -- that someone will shoot at you. It's fucked up. The news of shooting, everyday, and knowing what it sounds and feels like drives me batshit. My Dog Trainer, who was There too and knows, says, "At some point, thirty seconds or thirty years from now, we're going to have to be there." I keep reminding myself of a comment by Elie Wiesel: Asked how he had reconstructed himself, existence, back together after the Holocaust and the camps, Wiesel said, "I refuse to allow myself to be defined by that experience." If I'm out in the world and the guns come, I will leave as consciously as I'm able, and I will be pissed off. Somehow, that's a comfort.