Showing posts with label DCU. Show all posts
Showing posts with label DCU. Show all posts

Friday, September 6, 2019

Its Sense of Loitering Lights on My Shoulder

  • Yesterday news that Robert F Kennedy Stadium be demolished! by District within two years
  • how much it costs to maintain deteriorating nothing
  • I'd explore that stadium before games only getting to 232 ten minutes before kick, SeatSix and Landru can vouch, lordy I loved that building
  • We made noise of going to last match at RFK but had long divorced United before new stadium a certainty, I owe Landru and SeatSix a Fuck-Me-Jig: I never thought an Audi Field
  • I found stanchion porn for you:





  • Slays me, that, it re-bodies, sorta, that being there thump
  • I crave uniforms and tribal chants (and there's a new Swans song off the new album out in October (already ordered), see below) more than ever
  • while hating people in uniform chanting tribal (I
  • post) my every
  • other day small tribe speed date
  • (insidest joke since last Danny Allsopp joke, I bid you Adu)
  • Life in the Danny Allsopp Era Ocene!






KEEPING IT SIMPLE

Mary Ruefle

I take the bird on the woodpile,
separate it from its function, feather
by feather. I blow up its scale.
I make a whole life out of it:
everywhere I am, its sense of loitering
lights on my shoulder.

Sunday, October 22, 2017

which we must nibble on as if nibbling on donuts, by which I mean rubrics, glittering rubrics in the dry heat of an empty test bank



  • Earthgirl's blazes.
  • Beloveds and Mocomofos, she has a show opening next month, check your mail for postcard. 
  • Alternatively, email me, I'll send info.
  • We were supposed to do a long hike yesterday in Shenandoah, but my direct report, who works weekends, fell down, went boom, broke ankle Friday. I worked most motherfucking yesterday.
  • Fuck work, fuck being a boss, and for more, see previous post.
  • New Pere Ubu:









 
  • I remember the year I started United season tickets, not the year I quit.
  • After the 2013, 2014, or 2015 season? 
  • It was midway through a season I knew there would not be another season.
  • It was before the new stadium was a done deal, when I was convinced there would never be a new stadium - I quit when something that would have made me quit seemed an impossibility.
  • See Fuck-Me Jig tag in bumper. 
  • That this distinction is dear to me speaks to how small I am. 
  • Was there for this.











SENTENCE

Daniel Borzutzky

Ain’t nothing more beautiful than a French diplomat in an
Italian suit discussing the intimate ties between
poetry and constipation with a United States
Senator in a discount blazer from the Men’s Wearhouse bought
especially for the occasion of proposing the
Anti-Chimera Act, a prime indicator that if children were
once the future, they are not the past, which is growing
hairier every moment, so as to keep us from
penetrating its insides, which we must nibble on as if
nibbling on donuts, by which I mean rubrics, glittering
rubrics in the dry heat of an empty test bank full of
raccoons with flexible snouts and long tails that
materialize in the shrubbery as thick-set stocky
fraternity brothers suicide bomb colleges full of free
thinking mavericks with tuning forks in their ears and rubber dicks
in their pockets, a veritable cure for loneliness and
its side effects, including the desire to fantasize
about mythological genitalia in the pants of
pundits who declare that to be alive is
fundamentally okay as long as poets test their
verses on guinea pigs before submitting them to us
humans as we exit the amalgamated marshland of
surplus value and enter an ordinary evening on
which ordinary people dream of lubricated condoms
for dogs, of mules who practice the pull-out method, of birth
control pills for cats, of floating trousers that haunt city squares
in search of red-walled boutiques where silk stockings and boot-cut
chinos fight for the attention of disembodied legs
while merchants masturbate, aroused by visions of painless
castration, aroused by hands without arms scribbling conjunctions
into dusty ceilings, aroused by hands without arms stirring
infinite bowls of soup, aroused by module-makers who
insist only on the metaphorical value of money
as represented in the hieroglyphics painted on the
walls of financiers who accumulate capital through the
unjustified sexual behavior of adulterous
women who appear asymmetrically—legs over heads, hands
coming out of butts—in public ceremonies in which
syringes suck out erroneous feelings from their bodies
while suits and ties stuff bones and ears into decorative
bottles and jars.

 

Saturday, May 20, 2017

All Their Kissy Little Knives



  

  

  
   
  • This is how small I am: after the post about Landru's phone call with a DC United ticket agent and the death of LOUD SIDE! I emailed United. I emailed United from a different email than they had on file, on purpose. I never revealed my name - if you want to know it's at the bottom of this shitty blog. I pretended interest in joining Screaming Eagles.
  • Landru, in comments, said that when he asked the ticket agent who had called where Supporters Clubs would go in the new stadium the ticket agent tried to sell the wonders of end-zone seating but would not definitively confirm the death of LOUD SIDE! 
  • Here's what the ticket agent emailed back: I wanted to follow up on the email you sent us regarding memberships with the Screaming Eagles. I'm happy to help you out in any way possible. To answer your question, our Suppoter Section will be located directly behind the net in Audi Field.
  • Audi bought naming and branding rights to new stadium.
  • Of course I forwarded the email to Landru and he can vouch I typed exactly what ticket agent typed me.
  • When new stadium ground was broke at Buzzard Point video was shot of Screaming Eagle leaders doing ritual spitting against Metros. 
  • For all I know most in the Supporters Clubs are realistic, pragmatic, fine and down with it. 
  • One thing great about long-timing in a section: every year is different same.
  • I never joined a Supporters Club - I don't join any clubs but our secret one here - I wanted interactive tribalism without tainting my independence by club dues and tailgating.
  • Why would you go to your club's game and not stand?
  • I bet there are some in Barra who were disgusted on Day One of United they weren't in an end-zone curve as all great Supporters Clubs are.
  • I'm glad DC United stays in DC for United fans' sake.
  • Landru has promised to consider an effort - hey, you too, SeatSix - to go to one more Saturday night game at RFK. I'm curious who's still there in 232, on up and down ramps between circles, in line for a pint.
  • United could not survive at RFK, may thrive in new stadium.
  • They play in a league with 73 teams, 59 get into the playoffs. 
  • There's quitting, quitting quitting, quitting quitting quitting infinity.
  • Not anger, at last. I was am and will be a fool.

   
 


SLANDER

Franz Wright

I can just hear them
on the telephone and keening
all their kissy little knives
 
or voraciously taking turns
nursing a lie
still in its early white whisperhood
 
and I could do something
bad back to them
someday, I guess—
 
but why
 
Exclusion doesn’t hurt
that much, in fact
 
I’ve visited the stars on foot
 
Come disdain of the dreamhand for grammar
and fame, this Boston’s
gothic chilly April
night (new leaves the color
of her eyes) beloved
booknight real
real world, oh
prasini arachnid
s'agapo
 
Light green eyes dusk distant
tolling now fading
to heartscar
which says
 
I was loved, always
loved
 
And then they wounded me
so usefully—

  

Tuesday, May 16, 2017

Seventy-One Today, Eighty-Eight Today, United Yesterday





My Fripp story, posted every Fripp birthday, today being his 71st: Fripp had a touring workshop called Guitar Craft and a performing ensemble, The League of Crafty Guitarists. A bunch of us (Elric, you were there, yes?) got in Phavid Dillips lime-green VW van and drove to an old yellow mansion in West Virginia, not far, past Harpers Ferry, up near Shepardstown. Phavid, who we thought an excellent guitarist - or at least the best guitarist we smoked dope with regularly - had been invited to sit in a circle of other guitarists with Robert Fripp leading the workshop. Incredibly cool actually. Guests were invited to sit in the circle; guess who refused. Afterward, going out for a smoke, I ran into Fripp on a porch and apologized. He asked me why I didn't sit in the circle. I said I didn't want to. He said, then you've nothing to apologize for, and shook my hand.






  • Bowie May 14th, Eno May 15th, Fripp May 16th, blessed be Serendipity.
  • There's one other run like this, end of July.
  • Saturday night I was spinning channels for weather and whether and landed on a DC United game at RFK. When the camera scanned up LOUD SIDE! just a bit I could see Section 232, Row 10, Seats 4, 5, and 6, Landru's, mine, SeatSix's for years. 
  • LOUD SIDE!'s diminished. I mean, damn, it was only five minutes of one game for the first time in two years, but damn, those seats are still orange.
  • We abandoned each for our own reasons, but shared was the conviction that United would (a) not invest in a quality team until and unless a new stadium, and (b) there never would BE a new stadium* and the team would move, but (c) if there was a new stadium there would be no more LOUD SIDE! and if I'm paying for cheezy tribal chills there had better be a LOUD SIDE!
  • *Me the LOUDEST! promising a Fuck-Me-Jig, a bet, looking back now, stupidly wagered, not for the jig but because I'd never go to new stadium for the reason cited above.
  • United's ticket agents no longer call me - I politely asked them to stop - but Serendipitously called a friend yesterday trying to lure him back. Friend told the agent of his concerns for LOUD SIDE! what happens to the Supporters Clubs, and shazam, as predicted, they are going to an end-zone. I assume the other end-zone is for long-time season ticket holders of modest disposable income with damn fine sideline seats at RFK. I'm guessing prices double or triple for equivalent of Section 232, Row 10, seats 4, 5, & 6.
  • UPDATE! Landru doxxes himself in comments, reports much more at length about his conversation with the DCU ticket agent. 
  • 2010 was United's worse season. RFK was a hoot. Best cheezy tribal chills of all seasons.
  • I first made the Fuck-Me-Jig bet back in 2004. That same year I canvassed for John Kerry in Harrisburg, so har-har me.
  • I never tailgated, I understand why folks dig it, and Supporters Clubs means tailgating. NO PLACE TO TAILGATE AT THE NEW STADIUM.
  • No one asks me anymore how I separate my politics and my soccer. Or something like that.

  • May is the birthdayiest month in the Egoslavian calendar.
  • It occurs to me I haven't posted recent youtubes of poets reading their poems out loud. I don't want them to read to me out loud. I want to read the poem out loud to me. 
  • Though hearing a poet read a line out loud rhythmically different than how I read it out loud fascinates me, always has, I struggle not to make it a fine metaphor abounding.
  • Today is Adrienne Rich's birthday, she was born eighty-eight years ago today.





  
BALLADE OF THE POVERTIES

Adrienne Rich

There’s the poverty of the cockroach kingdom and the rusted toilet bowl
The poverty of to steal food for the first time
The poverty of to mouth a penis for a paycheck
The poverty of sweet charity ladling
Soup for the poor who must always be there for that
There’s the poverty of theory poverty of the swollen belly shamed
Poverty of the diploma mill the ballot that goes nowhere
Princes of predation let me tell you
There are poverties and there are poverties
There’s the poverty of cheap luggage bursted open at immigration
The poverty of the turned head, the averted eyes
The poverty of bored sex of tormented sex
The poverty of the bounced check the poverty of the dumpster dive
The poverty of the pawned horn the poverty of the smashed reading glasses
The poverty pushing the sheeted gurney the poverty cleaning up the puke
The poverty of the pavement artist the poverty passed-out on pavement
Princes of finance you who have not lain there
There are poverties and there are poverties
There is the poverty of hand-to-mouth and door-to-door
And the poverty of stories patched-up to sell there
There’s the poverty of the child thumbing the Interstate
And the poverty of the bride enlisting for war
There’s the poverty of prescriptions who can afford
And the poverty of how would you ever end it
There is the poverty of stones fisted in pocket
And the poverty of the village bulldozed to rubble
Princes of weaponry who have not ever tasted war
There are poverties and there are poverties
There’s the poverty of wages wired for the funeral you
Can’t get to the poverty of the salary cut
There’s the poverty of human labor offered silently on the curb
The poverty of the no-contact prison visit
There’s the poverty of yard sale scrapings spread
And rejected the poverty of eviction, wedding bed out on street
Prince let me tell you who will never learn through words
There are poverties and there are poverties
You who travel by private jet like a housefly
Buzzing with the other flies of plundered poverties
Princes and courtiers who will never learn through words
Here’s a mirror you can look into: take it: it’s yours.



Tuesday, February 28, 2017

Combat Is Conducted According to a Ritual Formal as Song



  • Me, once. Olive now.
  • I'm not Dark, my eyes have stabilized. My autobark however....
  • United broke ground yesterday on a stadium I predicted would never be built, see Fuck-Me-Jig tag, and promised to dance in front of my season ticket seat and post here as payment against dare. I quit United before this stadium was proposed; I have no season ticket to dance before.
  • I don't miss United as object of rituals.
  • I no longer take pride in abandoning United.
  • If I felt obligated to mention this for Blog's sake how done with ritual am I?
  • What I miss most about United games other than being at games with Landru and SeatSix: the long drives through Mongolia County out past Laytonsville, Hawkings Creamery Road, Griffith Road, Howard Chapel Road, on the way to RFK. 
  • On a Moco map from 1855 SeatSix gave me that country is called Cracklin.
  • I do miss RFK.
  • I wish I could abandon and not miss other dry wells of rituals.
  • Unrelated to post but related to me: Happy Birthday, Elric.
  • I'm the clown referred to ▼, not Elric.






ETERNITY

Tom Clark

The god of war assured King Arsounas, “Do not be fooled by words. No life is taken. Know that no one was ever born, nor does anyone die.” In the violent mini-eternity of the warrior, combat is conducted according to a ritual formal as song: no one is ever born, no one can ever die. The left-handed rockabilly guitarist whose left arm was severed by an RPG round at Dak To has come back to life in a part of my body that died long before we started to patrol this part of the river of eternal woe. His life is mine though I never lived it. The violent backwash of the rotors is crimsoned by a fine aerosol spray of blood while a loudspeaker amplifies the goddess’ excited laughter.



Friday, April 15, 2016

*Hell,* Which Is Disappointing. Overall. Wanting in Force and Fury




  • The woman running the HR seminar created a system on management styles, HARP, or Harmony, Action, Rational, Pragmatic, or, as I would put it WBNA - Wuss, Buffoon, Neurotic, Asshole. We all fit one, she insists, and I must admit - as I admit here daily, overtly or tacitly depending on location of my mood on my roller coaster, I am a buffoon.  Characteristics above.
  • Pere Ubu LIVE! in DC! Friday June 24! Rock n Roll Hotel! Tickets on sale twenty minutes ago. I have four.
  • American Narratives: The Rescue Game.
  • Magical realism, and other neoliberal delusions.
  • Unbearable.
  • Is Clinton more dangerous than Trump?
  • Hillary Clinton's predatory pragmatism.
  • Barring illness or assassination, Hillary Clinton is going to win POTUS 16, yo.
  • So no, I didn't watch.
  • What condition Crispy is in. Much like the Mount St Mary's situation, I'm surprised how little play this is getting in academic circles.
  • 99 reasons Ed didn't read your novel.
  • Brad reads Borzutzky. As in out loud.
  • New GUIDED BY VOICES!  (as in, listen to the new one!) They are LIVE! in DC Thursday July 7! 930! Next paycheck. See! The rules of My Sillyass Deserted Island Five Game apply.









IN A WORD, A WORLD

C.D. Wright

I like nouns that go up: loft. And ones that sink: mud. I like the ones the peck: chicken. And canter: canter. Those that comfort: flannel and pelt. Cell is an excellent word, in that is sweetly fulfills its assigned sound in a small, thin container. Unlike hell, which is disappointing. Overall. Wanting in force and fury. I like that a lone syllable names a necessary thing: bridge, house, door, food, bed. And the ones that sustain us: dirt, milk, and so on. What a thing, that a syllable - birth, time, space, death - points to the major mysteries with such simplicity, as with a silent finger. And to our very vital parts: head, snout, heart, butt. And our fundamental feeling: fear.



Wednesday, June 3, 2015

Sadder Sad Joy





New Yo La Tengo! New album out on my birthday!

This is true: DC United plays Chicago tonight at RFK. I had season tickets from 2003 through last year and until last year rarely missed a game and those only for extraordinary reasons (Hamster's 50th birthday party in Baltimore) and an acquaintance of mine who I used to meet at halftime at home games for a beer has an extra ticket for tonight and asked me if I wanted to go.

Quick: While DCU contributed to my fall from love - primarily their refusal to promise LOUD SIDE! would get equal seating at a new stadium as currently at RFK  - my fall from love was, as is everything, about me. I no longer wanted to dress in tribal colors and stand and chant tribal lyrics at Corporate mercenaries. The yodeling of the past few weeks here about sports and tribalism and Corporate apply. I was delighted that United had a wildly successful 2014 season so I could quit while they were good rather than bad for a recovering zealot's self-congratulatory reasons.

I considered going for old time's sake plus to hang with a friend. Yesterday, just as I was about to decide whether to go or not, news that DC United is considering reneging on a deal with the District on a new soccer stadium at Sparrows Point. Look, I realize this is DC United seeking leverage on the final deal with the District, and I acknowledge it's entirely possible - probable, even - that District government weaseling on the deal's fringes forced United to go public with threats to move to Loudoun County. Long-timers here remember my promise of a Fuck-You-Jig: I've never thought there would be a new stadium in the District and promised to video record me dancing in front of my new seat in a new stadium if I was wrong, and that sentiment was based on the asshats who run the District, not the assholes that run United.

Imagine how unsurprised and delighted I unthinkingly was at the delicious waves of fury pulsing through me at United for the transparent stunt. I impulsively tweeted anti-United angrily, recklessly, was fun! cathartic! (If only temporarily, and left me with this guilty - but not too guilty - hangover.) Yes, it's just Corporate that United dicks with the emotions of its zealots, but it pissed me off, I loved it! I loved it. Hate: the reason I don't believe in apostasies as much I claim to have them. Transferring hate from one object to another doesn't dissipate the hate, it redirects it. Consider my anger at Democrats and professional Liberals, it's the same hate I happily stoked for decades at Republicans and professional Conservatives. Silly stupid pointless hate. I love it. Love love love hate. Time for this extrapolation reduction formula: Fine metaphors abound. Time for this extrapolation reduction formula: Fuck me. Time for this Delgados song again:














I HATE

C.K. Williams

I hate how this unsummoned sigh-sound, sob-sound,
not sound really, feeling, sigh-feeling, sob-feeling,
keeps rising in me, rasping in me, not in its old disguise
as nostalgia, sweet crazed call of the blackbird;

not as remembrance, grief for so many gone,
nor either that other tangle of recall, regret   
for unredeemed wrongs, errors, omissions,
petrified roots too deep to ever excise;

a mingling rather, a melding, inextricable mesh   
of delight in astonishing being, of being in being,
with a fear of and fear for I can barely think what,
not non-existence, of self, loved ones, love;

not even war, fuck war, sighing for war,
sobbing for war, for no war, peace, surcease;
more than all that, some ground-sound, ground-note,   
sown in us now, that swells in us, all of us,   

echo of love we had, have, for world, for our world,
on which we seem finally mere swarm, mere deluge,
mere matter self-altered to tumult, to noise,
cacophonous blitz of destruction, despoilment,

din from which every emotion henceforth emerges,
and into which falters, slides, sinks, and subsides:
sigh-sound of lament, of remorse; sob-sound of rue,   
of, still, always, ever sadder and sadder sad joy.



Saturday, April 25, 2015

We Welcomed Our Poor Hackneyed Christ, Sad Bastard, Croaking of Pestilence - the Basement Holds Him Now










EIGHT VARIATIONS

Weldon Kees

1.
         Prurient tapirs gamboled on our lawns,   
         But that was quite some time ago.
         Now one is accosted by asthmatic bulldogs,   
         Sluggish in the hedges, ruminant.

         Moving through ivy in the park
         Near drying waterfalls, we open every gate;   
         But that grave, shell-white unicorn is gone.   
         The path is strewn with papers to the street.

         Numbers that once were various
         Regarded us, were thought significant, significant   
         Enough to bring reporters to the scene.
         But now the bell strikes one, strikes one,

         Strikes one—monotonous and tired.

         Or clicks like a sad valise.

    2. Note to Be Left on the Table
    This ghost of yours, padding about the upper halls,   
    Given to fright-wigs Burbage might have worn,   
    Moaning in doorways, jumping out at maids,   
    Has not convinced me even yet. Can this be you?   
    Your life was frightening enough, but this   
    Poor pallid counterpart who fuddles in its role   
    Is inexcusable. Go haunt the houses of the girls   
    You once infected, or the men who bore   
    Your company far oftener than I; annoy the others   
    For a change. Is this, my house, the medieval hell
    You took to at the grave’s edge, years ago,
    After a dozen other hells had burned themselves away,   
    Or are we purgatory here? If not,
    You make it one. I give you until noon.

3.
Ruined travelers in sad trousseaux
Roost on my doorstep, indolent and worn.   
Not one of them fulfills despised Rousseau’s   
Predictions. Perhaps they are waiting to be born.   
If so, the spot’s been badly chosen.
This is a site for posthumous investigations,   
Pillows stuffed with nettles, charnal notions:   
Apoplectic executioners, bungled incisions.   
Indeed, our solitary midwife fondles the hemlock.

We welcomed one poor hackneyed Christ,
Sad bastard, croaking of pestilence. The basement
Holds him now. He has not as yet arisen.
The tickets are ready; the line forms on the right.
Justice and virtue, you will find, have been amazingly preserved.

         4.
         As water from a dwindling reservoir
         Uncovers mossy stones, new banks of silt,
         So every minute that I spend with you reveals   
         New flaws, new features, new intangibles.   
         We have been sitting here for hours—
         “I spent that summer in Madrid,
         The winter on the coast of France—
         The Millotsons were there, and Farnsworth.
         My work has perished with the rest
         Of Europe, gone, all gone. We will not see the end.”

         You said goodbye, and your perfume   
         Lingered for hours. At first it seemed
         Like summer dying there, then rank and sharp.

         And yet I did not air the room.

      5.
      Among Victorian beadwork and the smell of plush,   
      The owls, stuffed and marvelously sinister,
      Glare from dark corners, waiting for the night.   
      High up, the moose’s passive eyes explore
      Candles, unlit, within cut-glass. A door
      Is opened, and you enter with a look
      You might have saved for Pliny or the Pope.

      The furniture has shrunk now thirty years
      Have passed (with talent thinning out, and words   
      Gone dead), and mouths of friends in photographs   
      Display their hopeful and outmoded smiles.   
      You counted on at least a sputter of nostalgia,   
      However fretful. That was a mistake. Even the moose   
      Regards you with a tired, uncomprehending stare.

         6.
         Signboards commemorate their resting place.   
         The graveless of another century
         Came and were conquered; now their bones   
         Are dust where idiot highways run.
         Land in their eyes, unquiet ancestors
         (On fences yellow signs clang in the wind)
         Unstirred by suns drying the brown weeds   
         Above them now in parched and caking land.

         But when they speak of you, they feel the need   
         Of voices polished and revised by history,   
         The martial note, words framed in capitals.

         It is good to be deaf in a deafening time   
         With the sky gone colorless, while the dead   
         Thunder breaks, a cracked dish, out of the mind.

      7.
      The eye no longer single: where the bowl,
      Dead in the thickened darkness, swelled with light,   
      Transformed the images and moved the artist’s hand,   
      Becomes a framework for our mania.

      And haunts the stairway. Friends depart,   
      Taking their last look from the roof,   
      Saying goodnight and carrying their view   
      Of grapes the model ate in Paris years ago.

      Blue in the morning, green some afternoons;   
      The night, ambiguous, forgets the signature.

      The dust in attics settled and his stove
      Grew cold. About the model nothing much is known.

      It ends the wall and complements the view   
      Of chimneys. And it hides a stain.

         8.
         And when your beauty, washed away   
         In impure streams with my desire,
         Is only topic for ill-mannered minds,
         Gifted and glassy with exact recall,
         Gossip and rancid footnotes, or remote despair,   
         Let ruined weather perish in the streets   
         And let the world’s black lying flag come down.

         Only in calendars that mark no Spring
         Can there be weather in the mind
         That moves to you again as you are now:
         Tired after love and silent in this house,
         Your back turned to me, quite alone,
         Standing with one hand raised to smooth your hair,   
         At a small window, green with rain.



Wednesday, October 29, 2014

He Tried the Sweet, the Gentle, the "Oh, Let's Hold Hands Together," and It Was Awful, Dull, Brutally Inconsequential





There is a whole new subset of music I'm digging that I am not allowed to listen to when Earthgirl is in the car. Tom yesterday posted Elephant Memories. I still haven't - and won't - read it, though I love Tom's posts (and his poetry). I responded to his email to me (he lets me know when there are new posts) that I was afraid to open the post. I crib from my emails in the chain: I saw a photo year ago, poachers surrounding a fallen-to-his-knees elephant, laughing, about to do the kill shot, it seared me, I see it and will see it every fucking second for the rest of my life, when I saw it the first time I filled with such a desperately impotent fury, it...  when I think about the Dark I feel more often and for longer times during bouts and point to the key that unlocked it, it was that photo. Tom often posts horrible scenes of human-on-human atrocities - he's been especially observant of the recent Gazan pogrom - but human-on-human atrocities don't provoke the same dark impotent fury I've caused myself last night and this morning by not only seeing but looking at that seared image of poachers laughing at a wounded elephant. I wrote: I have a troll that mocks me via email weekly that my "Kind" act in Blegsylvania is self-serving both as protection against ridicule and means for illusions of superiority. Sure. I think it more gratitude for the the opportunity to engage and not be an asshole as well as needed penance for the asshole I know I can be. Is Kindness dissent? I try to be Kind in real life (I am trying to be less catty in comments, though I do treat people as Kind as I am able), Kind, a small tiny moral position at which I fail repeatedly. Tom recommended a passage from a Robert Creeley poem:

I sd to my friend, as
I am always talking, 
a desperately impotent fury, it
surrounds us
and he sd, etc 
Where would we be without the Dark and Fury. 
Well, in a better place, but still. 

I don't think I stole desperately impotent fury from Creeley, but the poem is familiar so I admit the possibility of unconscious plagiarism. I'm still googling it, but can't find it yet. Meanwhile, have some Internal Rot (and others) and the Creeley poem below.







  • The Future as Posthuman Game Strategy.
  • Motherfucking professional Liberals. Michael Kinsley - if you still wear a Kinsleyian face-mullet, REVOLUTION! free yourself! lose the face-mullet!
  • The moral blindness of our leading Liberals.
  • Sad and anxious? You might be suffering from.....
  • Frances is in Ecuador, invites you to visit!
  • No, it's not this blog's most renowned troll, you long-timers who are curious. This one is a relative newcomer to hating me. A blogfriend tells me she delights in trolls, extrapolates readership from the number of trolls she's amassed.
  • I no longer hold myself to the Fuck-Me-Jig that I would record and post in front of my new season-ticket holder seat at a new soccer stadium in DC since I am no longer a season-ticket holder for reasons over-yodeled (click on the DCU tag for over-yodeling), but I still maintain there will never be a new soccer stadium in DC. This does not give me pleasure. I don't give a shit anymore when United says Fuck DC and moves, but I know people who do.
  • Grouper.







SELF-PORTRAIT

Robert Creeley

He wants to be
a brutal old man,
an aggressive old man,
as dull, as brutal
as the emptiness around him,

He doesn’t want compromise,   
nor to be ever nice
to anyone. Just mean,
and final in his brutal,
his total, rejection of it all.

He tried the sweet,   
the gentle, the “oh,
let’s hold hands together”
and it was awful,
dull, brutally inconsequential.

Now he’ll stand on
his own dwindling legs.   
His arms, his skin,   
shrink daily. And
he loves, but hates equally.



Friday, October 3, 2014

Still, It Lets You Walk About on Tiptoe If You Don't Jiggle the Needle



  • I didn't feel like posting a Wallace Stevens birthday post. I went to collect poems and they didn't sing for me like once they did, or rather, I could not hear the singing like once I could. It happens.
  • So yes, the Dark is back. It happens.
  • Updates on two stories in the above photo: my bashed toe, with slowly growing new nail, and Napoleon is a free cat. Vet came yesterday, gave him clean bill of health, Animal Control came last night, said we could let him out of quarantine. He immediately ran to front door and begged to be let out. We knew that was going to happen and steeled ourselves to be jerks and refuse, at least for a week or so to see what happens indoors. We expected hissing from other cats - or rather, one cat, Jess, the anti-Fleabus - but are shocked and disappointed to find it's Rosie, big, loving, easy-purring Rosie, the last of the four we would have picked to hiss who is hissing.
  • The Intercept: the whole ugly mess laid bare from top to bottom.
  • Dwindling domain will break your heart.
  • Rob is more optimistic than me re: the clusterfuck.
  • Consider the troll. Disclosure: back in this blog's early days Ed did multiple Kinds and bumps for me, hence this link (if even only I remember, I don't want to appear I'm ignoring this to avoid troll's taint). He never did turn on me - I'm nobody - but he has increasingly picked more fights with more ugliness as the years have passed.
  • The latest Nobel lit prize betting odds.
  • Burtonsville!
  • My Future Hell! It's not North Bethesda, it's ROCKVILLE. There is no such thing as North Bethesda.
  • The Washington Woods section of Gaithersburg? Realtor assholes, do you mean Muddy Branch?
  • White Art.
  • A sentence containing almost all of science fiction?
  • Thanks to all who've participated in helping pick the Fleabus photo to be submitted to WFMU's great marathon ploy to raise money, the give us $50 and enter your pet to be station mascot scam. Fleabus is not going to win, no matter how deserving: some friend of some DJ who owns an armadillo wearing a WFMU bandanna or something is going to win. The Fleabus photo that got the most votes, including Planet's which, since she is the photographer, trumps, is, Bless Serendipity, a photo for the Dark.





I made noise about giving DC United one last chance - tonight, an eight o'clock game against Kansas City, United's primary opposition for winning the Eastern Conference, the biggest regular season home game in recent memory. I almost certainly wasn't going to go anyway, but last night, flipping stations in futile hope of finding something worth watching, I landed on the Orioles-Tigers playoff game and noticed the Orioles' uniforms had Tom Clancy's name on a sleeve. I tweeted out, why do the Orioles have the name of a rightwing hack novelist on their uniforms and received answer that Clancy not only was a Baltimore native but was part-owner of the Orioles, a timely reminder to fuck fandom. Fuck fuck fuck it. I wouldn't have gone to tonight's DCU game regardless - I'm done - though the smack-in-the-face reminder that I don't want to dress in uniform and chant for Triskelions' mercenaries in was much welcome.








TO THE MUSE

James Wright

It is all right. All they do
Is go in by dividing
One rib from another. I wouldn’t   
Lie to you. It hurts
Like nothing I know. All they do   
Is burn their way in with a wire.
It forks in and out a little like the tongue   
Of that frightened garter snake we caught   
At Cloverfield, you and me, Jenny   
So long ago.

I would lie to you
If I could.
But the only way I can get you to come up   
Out of the suckhole, the south face
Of the Powhatan pit, is to tell you   
What you know:

You come up after dark, you poise alone   
With me on the shore.   
I lead you back to this world.

Three lady doctors in Wheeling open
Their offices at night.
I don’t have to call them, they are always there.   
But they only have to put the knife once   
Under your breast.
Then they hang their contraption.
And you bear it.

It’s awkward a while. Still, it lets you   
Walk about on tiptoe if you don’t   
Jiggle the needle.
It might stab your heart, you see.
The blade hangs in your lung and the tube   
Keeps it draining.
That way they only have to stab you   
Once. Oh Jenny.

I wish to God I had made this world, this scurvy   
And disastrous place. I
Didn’t, I can’t bear it
Either, I don’t blame you, sleeping down there   
Face down in the unbelievable silk of spring,   
Muse of black sand,
Alone.

I don’t blame you, I know
The place where you lie.
I admit everything. But look at me.   
How can I live without you?
Come up to me, love,
Out of the river, or I will
Come down to you.



Tuesday, September 23, 2014

I Now Acknowledge The Red Moon, to Requite the Heart Alone Given Power to Recite Its Faith, What a Cradled Life Finds Emblematic




Activating the MomCat Emergency Alert System. It's been some months since necessary, but it's now been a week since we've seen her, and the neighborhood listserv is abuzz with news of hungry coyotes and asshole anti-cat fuckers calling the county to get uncollared cats trapped and executed.

Introductory and/or refresher course: MomCat is a feral who lived in our yard for two years before giving birth to three kittens in our shed eight years ago. The daughter, Grey Cat, came in and out of the house and was fully interactive with us before disappearing six years ago. One of the sons, Frankie (name is inside baseball only one of you will get) still will not let us pet him but he rarely leaves the yard and I fed him this morning. The second son, Napoleon, is in quarantine in one of our bedrooms for another eleven days - the Animal Control officer, at her last visit last week, said that as long as we can provide proof he is fully up-to-date on his shots she will sign his release on Saturday October 4. He suffered a bite wound - almost certainly a cat's - that became infected, and the vet contacted Animal Control which ordered six months of confinement against the slight chance Napoleon developed rabies. Napoleon is fully interactive and one of the best cats ever: his ear is squared to signify a fixed feral cat; he hasn't been a feral cat for seven years.

Activating the MomCat Emergency Alert System and, when needed, the Napoleon Emergency Alert System has worked every time over the past eight years. Whether we will let Napoleon outside and possibly necessitate the activation of his alert system is to be determined. It's been months since either has been activated. Here's hoping it still works.







  • I was there.
  • United signs St Benny to a long-term contract“I love this city. My [three] children were born in Washington, D.C., and I don’t want to move,” he (Olsen) said. “I told Jason in negotiations, ‘I don’t want to move. I want to be here. I want to be part of this club. I want my kids growing up in this city.’ Not the best negotiating tactic, but it’s true. From Day 1, I fell in love with this club. There was a lot to fall in love with early, and I feel a responsibility about pushing this club to the next level.
  • Yesterday on the Kojo Nnamdi Show, DC United's big boss (if not big owner) promised that Supporters Clubs (he did not use the term LOUD SIDE!) will be midfield in a new stadium.
  • I have no objection if my abandoned religions fight to keep me.
  • I don't want it to be easy. At least this one. I don't want this one to be as easy as abandoning motherfucking Democrats. I don't want this to be the same frequency as abandoning motherfucking Democrats.
  • I will go to at least one more game this year, not this Saturday afternoon if it's a nice day to hike, but I will go to at least one more game this year. I owe the faith at least that.
  • Should the spirit of protest occasion a crowd.....
  • From the neightborhood listserv: some of my neighbors are Kind, decent humans: MS who trapped kittens and cats at a Parkwood house that is to be torn down and got them neutered so we don't have a feline explosion, sent this information. If any of you are looking to adopt a kitten, here is a great opportunity to adopt a neighbor. All kittens are litter-box trained.
  • Robinson Jeffers, for those of you who do.
  • Hilary Mantel, for those of you who do.
  • Hey, anyone have anything to convince me to read or not read Emily St John Mandel?
  • A long meditation on a fantasy novel I couldn't get past fifteen pages and Earthgirl couldn't get past thirty. I'll take the blame on my part.
  • It's Coltrane's birthday.
  • I was there:








THE CRADLE LOGIC OF AUTUMN

Jay Wright

Each instant comes with a price, the blue-edged bill   
on the draft of a bird almost incarnadine,   
the shanked ochre of an inn that sits as still   
as the beavertail cactus it guards (the fine   
rose of that flower gone as bronze as sand),   
the river's chalky white insistence as it   
moves past the gray afternoon toward sunset.   
Autumn feels the chill of a late summer lit   
only by goldenrod and a misplaced strand   
of blackberries; deplores all such sleight of hand;   
turns sullen, selfish, envious, full of regret.

Someone more adept would mute its voice. The spill   
of its truncated experience would shine
less bravely and, out of the dust and dunghill   
of this existence (call it hope, in decline),
as here the blue light of autumn falls, command   
what is left of exhilaration and fit
this season's unfolding to the alphabet
of turn and counterturn, all that implicit   
arc of a heart searching for a place to stand.   
Yet even that diminished voice can withstand   
the currying of its spirit. Here lies—not yet.

If, and only if, the leafless rose he sees,
or thinks he sees, flowered a moment ago,
this endangered heart flows with the river that flees   
the plain, and listens with eye raised to the slow   
revelation of cloud, hoping to approve   
himself, or to admonish the rose for slight   
transgressions of the past, this the ecstatic   
ethos, a logic that seems set to reprove   
his facility with unsettling delight.
Autumn might be only desire, a Twelfth Night   
gone awry, a gift almost too emphatic.

Logic in a faithful light somehow appeases   
the rose, and stirs the hummingbird's vibrato.   
By moving, I can stand where the light eases   
me into the river's feathered arms, and, so,   
with the heat of my devotion, again prove   
devotion, if not this moment, pure, finite.   
Autumn cradles me with idiomatic
certainty, leaves me nothing to disapprove.
I now acknowledge this red moon, to requite   
the heart alone given power to recite
its faith, what a cradled life finds emblematic.



Saturday, September 20, 2014

Church of Broken Toasters





Thursday afternoon I got a phone call from my new ticket agent at DC United. Yesterday afternoon I got a phone call from United's Chief Revenue Officer Mike Schoenbrun. My ticket agent had told him about our phone call and Schoenbrun wondered what United had done to so alienate me and wondered what United could do to win me back. I gave him the it's not you, it's me speech, the I don't want to wear a uniform and go to church anymore speech. Loved one's know this is the core of my apostasy, but the ticket agent didn't buy it. The ticket agent said, Schoenbrun said, that you were angry over the season ticket packages, and I said yes, it angered me that ticket prices have been raised while the number of games has dropped, but really, it's not you, it's me. He talked about the generous new season ticket packages United has planned for next season. I believe him, by the way, I'm not snarking here. Or rather, I believe he believes what he was saying. I said, I also find it maddening that United will not publicly state that Supporters Clubs and LOUD SIDE! will not be banished to an endzone in any new stadium, but really, it's not you, it's me. He said that United is confident the new stadium will happen (and while I have stated forever that there will never be a new soccer stadium in DC I concede I am closer to being wrong than I've ever been) but until the stadium is a certainty United can make no public declarations on the seating of a stadium. I said, of course you could say that whenever there is a new stadium the Supporters Clubs and LOUD SIDE! will get a sideline, but really, it's not you, it's me. He praised the Supporters Clubs and season ticket holders profusely while admitting the possibility Supporters Clubs and LOUD SIDE! might be banished to an endzone in a new stadium. He invited me to forums and events, assuring me that my voice and all season ticket holder and Supporters Clubs member voices will be listened to, told me that we are the core of the business of United. I didn't say, if that's true, why doesn't United promise to make a sideline available at reasonable prices to Supporters Clubs and LOUD SIDE! because what would have been the point? Instead I said, I'm really not an event-goer, though I'm sure Supporters Clubs and LOUD SIDE! season ticket holders will make their voices heard, though really, it's not you, it's me. He said, I understand, anything else, and I reiterated that's it's me, not you, I don't want to wear a uniform and go to church anymore. He told me to call him directly if I have more concerns and questions. Once I would have been concerned that I don't want to wear a uniform and go to church anymore but now I'm not. And I do appreciate the reaching out - United won't go bankrupt when I don't renew my season ticket (and I'm not going to renew my season ticket) - it is to United's credit that a top team executive picked up the phone to call me. But though I have quibbles that would once have been indulged issues - the season ticket packages, the refusal to promise there will be a sideline LOUD SIDE! in a new stadium, the corrupt rinky-dinkness of MLS (I didn't mention this to either the ticket agent or Schoenbrun) - it's not them, it's me: I don't feel like putting on a uniform and going to church anymore.












 
EIGHTFOLD CHANT

Brian Komei Dempster

Church of broken toasters and singed fuses,
church of the dripping roof and chipped chimney stack,
of the flooded garage and its split door,

gas-hissing pipes and sibilant water heaters,
church of piss-poor light and shaky ladders
where I unchoke windows and dislodge chopsticks

from pipes, smooth curled up wallpaper and key the locks,
fix clocks sticking or ticking with different times,
church where wings of dead flies drift like petals

from cobwebs, ghosts sift through floorboards
and the homeless sleep in compost, steeping like tea bags
pungent from the leaves' damp weight.

Church where I am summoned by the door's clatter of brass
to the brown-toothed vagrant who spreads open
her overcoat; to the chattering man who communes
                                            
with pines and brooms the stairs; to the bent, old Japanese woman
who forgets her keys, waits for me to twist the lock free
so she can scrub floors with Murphy wood soap

and a toothbrush, wobble atop a ladder and polish the two-ton bell.
On this path I am my uncle setting cubes of cheese into jaws
of traps, and my grandmother stirring peas into a pan of fried rice,
                                              
and my grandfather padding the halls in slippers and gloves,
the cold globes of his breath a string of prayer beads
weaving me, a mixed-blood grandson, into them.