Saturday, April 30, 2011

Houston 4, United 1

I'll wait until after home v Seattle next Wednesday and Dallas next Saturday before death knelling, but last night's clusterfuck combined with the news that Branko Boskovic may miss the rest of the season (and have played his last game with United) with a torn ACL has me betting I'm gonging.

“This is a job, and I don’t know if some of our guys understand the seriousness of what we’re trying to do. If it continues, we’ll have to make changes, real drastic change,” warbled St Benny of Olsen. If St Benny of Olsen thinks (a) the issue is lack of effort not lack of talent and (b) other teams haven't made book on what United wants to do and game plans to stop it and Benny doesn't need to adjust and (c) there's better talent on the bench than who's been starting and on the transfer market that Kasper Payne can identify, then St Benny of Olsen is motherfucking nuts.

United is short and slow. Name one player besides Najar and Pontius (who should be up top receiving the crosses he can't make) who is as good a soccer player and athlete as his opponent last night. Jeff Cameron or Nodax? Choose. Bobby Boswell, for fuck's sake, or Dejan Jakovic? Even if United was organized against set pieces, Houston was six inches taller, half a second faster, ten pounds stronger. That's on Kasper Payne. And United isn't organized. That's on Benny Olsen.

I just deleted three paragraphs of death knelling because I promised to wait until a week from tomorrow. Here's an angry Fullback in the meantime. I'll post others if and when I see them.

And two last thoughts about Boskovic - I don't want to suggest that even had Boskovic continued rounding into form that would have propelled United to a higher level much less a playoff worthy team: teams would have doubled and butchered him, just like Ningland did, and the players surrounding a neutralized Boskovic would still suck. MLS blows. I know, expand more!

When Benny talks about lack of effort, he's talking about United not being dirty enough bitches. This is MLS. Think how many reckless stud's-up tackles United misses, Clyde Simms sliding by Brad Davis as Davis races to a corner to make a beautiful cross. Benny wanted United to cripple Davis like Ningland crippled Boskovic. They tried. It wasn't lack of effort: United's small, slow.

And yes, the noxzema bottle blue, as threatened. Um, there's a reason it was this shitty blog's original color. I said only a day, but, what say you all, especially you, honored K? Because, um, I kinda love it.


  1. I'd be feeling blue, too, & to add to the misery, your most favoritest helmetball squadron is shockingly not fucking up (yet), thus depriving the internets of non-lawsuit cheap chuckles.

  2. It's a keeper. No poem today, darling Jeff?

  3. No poems on game wrap-ups and major music birthdays, but all other posts, yes. Betcha there's a poem tomorrow.

    But the blue - K, please? Can I keep it?

  4. Thanks! I just got the OK to keep it - K says white on maroon gives her headaches too, just not as bad as the white on blue, and it's my fucking blog anyway, why do I need her permission. She adds, "You didn't use your favorite color for three years because I said it gave me headaches? God, you're a fucking dope." Yay!

  5. I haven't even read your post yet. I love love love the blue. Please keep it.

  6. Who's the trainer for the VW Uniteds? Sounds like he's not up to snuff either. That could help with the 1/2 second and ten pounds and, yes, effort (but not the 6 inches).

    It may be MLS, but that first Barca/Madrid match was fuckin' bloody, man. I mean evilly brutal. Looks like the 2nd match is on FoxSoccerChan. Won't get to see it, but ManU v. Schalke (yawn) will be available on FX.

  7. Jim, Boskovic was injured because Ningland's coach Steve Nicol told his players either you break his leg or I break yours. Up till then, Boskovic was the best soccer player and athlete on the field.

    That hamstring shit happens still too often *is* however on Kasper Payne's training staff.

  8. Don't worry, Skins fans will be suffering from the blues soon enough. John Beck is our qb?