Monday, September 5, 2011

Can't Swim; Uses Credit Cards and Pills to Combat Intolerable Feelings of Inadequacy; Won't Admit His Dread of Boredom

Queen has never been in the rotation for one of the three remaining spots in my top five sillyass desert island game, but so intricately are they bound with certain memories, most of them good, some of them excellent, a few of them cherished, that the 65th anniversary of Freddie Mercury's birth demands I breach my sillyass self-imposed holiday weekend hiatus.

If it was 2005 and George Bush just dumped a turd on the Friday before Labor Day weekend like Obama just dumped a turd last Friday, I wouldn't have been surprised or particularly livid, I'd have thought him a cynical puny fuck (and said, If only Kerry had won in 2004, then some of you long-timers here would have said, If only Gore hadn't been cheated out of Florida). I have evolved.

That's the cause of the mini-semi-imposed fraudulent hiatus, nothing real life, nothing in Stringtown, it's that tomorrow is the official kick-off of POTUS 12, and while it may not be shittier than POTUS 16 it will be shittier than POTUS 08, and Matt Stoller is suggesting that Tom Harkin run against Obama in Iowa like that's gonna happen, like Matt Stoller hasn't realized that we're ruled by motherfucking Ferengi and if there was legitimate profit in a resurgent Democratic Party as Stoller imagines it, Obama wouldn't have such an easy time in killing the Democratic Party as Stoller imagines it once was.

It's rewriting that sentence tomorrow and the day after that caused the mini-semi-imposed fraudulent hiatus. I shouldn't enjoy playing that doh this much still daily, and who the fuck uses sillyass Star Trek allusions anyway?


David Lehman

Can't swim; uses credit cards and pills to combat intolerable feelings of inadequacy;
Won't admit his dread of boredom, chief impulse behind numerous marital infidelities;
Looks fat in jeans, mouths clichés with confidence, breaks mother's plates in fights;
Buys when the market is too high, and panics during the inevitable descent;
Still, Pop can always tell the subtle difference between Pepsi and Coke,
Has defined the darkness of red at dawn, memorized the splash of poppies along
Deserted railway tracks, and opposed the war in Vietnam months before the
Years before the politicians and press; give him a minute with a road map
And he will solve the mystery of bloodshot eyes; transport him to mountaintop
And watch him calculate the heaviness and height of the local heavens;
Needs no prompting to give money to his kids; speaks French fluently, and tourist
Sings Schubert in the shower; plays pinball in Paris; knows the new maid steals,
     and forgives her.


  1. Who knew Freddie was so fucking prescient?

    In the context of everyone else aging, it seems weird that today is only his 65th birthday. But it weirder that he's 20 years gone. Holyfuck. Cubed.

    Heh. But then again, like Joe Hill...whose head doesn't bob up and down at the breakout moment in "Bohemian Rhapsody" (which for years I couldn't stomach because of its ubiquity in the winter of 1975-1976)? Fie on them. Fie, I say.

  2. "It weirder." Jeebus, who write this shit?

  3. I don't know why it surprises me that Wikipedia has an entry for the Rules of Acquisition, but it does anyway.

  4. Another place on the internets for Star Trek fans to wax trekky about Trek? President Quark would like to have a word with you, Ethan.