Thursday, October 4, 2012

If I Were the Type Who Made Promises I'd Probably Begin by Saying: America, Relax!

Wrote that in a hotel room in Mt Vernon Ohio Tuesday night, didn't watch the debate of course, did I get it right? I hear Obamalame wussied, missed a chance to articulate progressive positions contra Romney's Conservative assholosity, Obamalame constantly remarking as much on the two's similarities as their differences. This: The reason Obama did poorly is simple. He is bad at governing America. He hasn’t solved the foreclosure crisis, the jobs crisis, the climate crisis, the energy crisis, the financial crisis, the debt crisis, the health care crisis, or really, anything.  He can’t point to very much that Americans broadly like, except killing Bin Laden and the auto bailout. His second term agenda is to cut Social Security, Medicare, frack, cut corporate taxes, bust more teachers unions and pass more neoliberal trade agreements. He is proud of this record. So are his people. But he knows he can’t run on it because it’s unpopular, so instead, he presented himself as a nice likeable guy. Heh, I hear that Romney shifted hard left and lied through his teeth. To put it charitably, the complaint I'm hearing is that Obamalame didn't shift hard left and lie through his teeth (see Pierce quote below about Obamalame's naivete), that he represented himself honestly as the moderately conservative Republican he is. Vote Obamalame, the more honorable moderately conservative Republican. Holyfuck, fine ironies, fine metaphors abound. I am determined to enjoy the next five weeks as much as I'm capable.

  • Hahahahaha: What you saw, I think, anyway, was the end product of the president's consuming naivete as regards the American political process, as well as the end product of thirty years of a Democratic Party that has slid so far to the center-right that a Democratic president found himself arguing with a "severely conservative" Republican candidate over the issues of how much the Democratic president had cut out of the budget, how many regulations he'd trimmed, how much more devoted to the middle-class-kick-in-the-balls Simpson-Bowles "plan" he is, and how he would "reform" Social Security and Medicare — and, frankly, a Democratic president losing some of those arguments to his left. A Democratic president got through an entire debate and didn't mention unions at all, even though the fact that our teachers are unionized here in Massachusetts is a big part of the reason why Romney got to brag on how good our education system is.
  • UPDATE! He runs for president as a populist, soaking up all the liberal energy for change in the country. Once in power, he surrounds himself with failed conservative advisers, and squanders most of his mandate. Then, just as it looks as if he will still be able to defeat his clueless Republican opponent, he turns in the worst performance any presidential candidate has ever given in a general-election debate, tanking the race and turning the country over to a party of fanatical Ayn Rand acolytes and warmongers... Obama signaled that he wants out. His diehard supporters are already trying to wave away this weirdly awful, unengaged performance as just his latest turn of Zen mastery, but that dog won’t hunt. They should steel themselves for more shocking displays of indifference over the next month on the part of this strangely diffident individual. It’s quite possible that he means what he says, and he really can’t wait to become an ex-president
  • Hahahahaha.
  • Hahahahaha.
  • Heh! Krugman inches towards obamapostasy for all the wrong reasons.
  • Death of a salesman
  • Oddly more artificial than Romney?
  • What the election will be for.
  • Wait, is it true that Obamalame picked John Kerry as his debate coach? Hahahahaha.
  • Of course they both suck. Why did you watch?
  • Of course they both suck. Why did you watch?
  • Never enough preparation.
  • I purposely stayed away from twitter from nine o'clock on. Were people freaking out over Obamalame?
  • If you thought Liberal Party Kommisars were assholes when Obama was cruising, wait for the noise they'll start making now.
  • Chill, Liberal Party Komissars - Obamalame's gonna win.
  • It's not just drones and war and panopticon that pisses me off about Obama.
  • Or Democrats.



Denise Duhamel and Maureen Seaton

I can promise you this: food in the White House
will change! No more granola, only fried eggs
flipped the way we like them. And ham ham ham!
Americans need ham! Nothing airy like debate for me!
Pigs will become the new symbol of glee,
displacing smiley faces and "Have A Nice Day."
Car bumpers are my billboards, billboards my movie screens.
Nothing I can say can be used against me.
My life flashes in front of my face daily.
Here's a snapshot of me as a baby. Then
marrying. My kids drink all their milk which helps the dairy industry.
A vote for me is not only a pat on the back for America!
A vote for me, my fellow Americans, is a vote for everyone like me!
If I were the type who made promises
I'd probably begin by saying: America,
relax! Buy big cars and tease your hair
as high as the Empire State Building.
Inch by inch, we're buying the world's sorrow.
Yeah, the world's sorrow, that's it!
The other side will have a lot to say about pork
but don't believe it! Their graphs are sloppy coloring books.
We're just fine—look at the way
everyone wants to speak English and live here!
Whatever you think of borders,
I am the only candidate to canoe over Niagara Falls
and live to photograph the Canadian side.
I'm the only Julliard graduate—
I will exhale beauty all across this great land
of pork rinds and gas stations and scientists working for cures,
of satellite dishes over Sparky's Bar & Grill, the ease
of breakfast in the mornings, quiet peace of sleep at night.



  1. I didn't watch the debates at all, drank and argued literature instead, forgot they were on until I logged into facebook this morning. I'm trying to find a way to laugh at all of this, maybe I'll get there.

    This poem is awesome, so is Scrawl. Marcy Mays owns a bar in Columbus now that books bands that don't suck.

  2. A thought-cum-comment popped in my head, evaporated, so I'll just suggest that Citizen Kang from Treehouse of Horror VII is a fine distillation of our stupid system.