Thursday, November 1, 2012

See the Difference, You Kept Asking, But It Wasn't a Question

United's homefield advantage in the first round of MLS' lame-ass and rinkydink playoffs has been taken from them. By finishing second in the East, United had earned the second game of their opening playoff aggregate goal series versus the New Jersey Metros, a small but significant enough bonus, but because of damage to Metros Stadium from Sandy the first game of the series, scheduled for this Saturday night in Harrison, has been flipped to RFK this Saturday, the second game flopped to Harrison next Wednesday. Some United fans are outraged at the competitive injustice! I found out about the switch last night when a Noted MLS Is-Anti-DCU Conspiratorialist (NMLSIADCUC) Noted  MLS Is Pro-New York Pro-LA Conspiratorialist (NMLSIPNYPLA) texted me. Conversation ensued:

  • NMLSIADCUC: You know they flopped the NYRB (aka Metros) game and we're at RFK Saturday night, right?
  • Me: No, I didn't. Not a problem logistically for me - I'll be there - but shame to lose the earned advantage.
  • NMLSIADCUC: Very much so. Goff clutching censorious pearls over that very issue. NY Giants, oddly enough, still playing at home on Sunday.
  • Me: I don't know the geography. And thank goodness neither of us believes in Black Helicopters (which reminds me of a GbV song).
  • NMLSIADCUC: Uhm... Red Bull Arena is maybe five miles from Meadowlands. Next to same river. And the same I-95. Geography ain't the issue.
  • NMLSIADCUC: Garber sucks Red Bull and Galaxy cock is the issue.
  • Me: No idea where either are except generally. MLS is corrupt and rinkydink - but it's possible Harrison can't be ready by Saturday and NBC said fuck you, you're playing somewhere Saturday and MLS told United what's what and promised them something up the road as return favor, MLS being corrupt and rinkydink.
  • NMLSIADCUC: That's really dubious, except for the part about United having this jammed up their ass, which is, from all evidence, indisputable.
  • Me: It may be dubious - and I hope this becomes a juicy scandal on MLS corruption and rinkydinkness of course - but I bet local officials said the last goddamn thing we need to worry about is an MLS playoff game and MLS was happy to accommodate. Delighted even.
  • NMLSIADCUC: Yeah, I think that's right. Hence Garber blows goats (but not Goats).
  • Me: And selfishly, a Saturday night relaxing get-to get-home game then sleep in Sunday versus Wednesday night 8:00 game that won't start till 8:25 for tv? Hmmm.
  • NMLSIADCUC: Yes, but. If it goes to OT in Red Bull Arena and we lose, burn down MLS.
  • Me: Sure!

All that (a) for a Heh! (b) to let me say yet again that Fine Metaphors Abound and (c) to set up this Guided by Voices song!


Mark Bibbins

Your object will have made a good subject
and I should get to tell you so: the bird
with a beak but no mouth, we hear him only

when it's night in the Dominican Republic
and Israel at the same time. Someone will
find your marginalia useful, so try to spare

some ink. I took dictation only from you,
for whom verbs were nothing and tense
everything. See the difference, you kept asking

but it wasn't a question. See how enormous -
camel hauling an empty wheelchair, conspiracy
of hangman men, dried-out song that makes

it snow. You realize we could have walked
home in the hours the inventory took, jack
of no traits. Bird with no wings.


  1. Who will be Chris Christies running mate when he heads the 2016 Democratic POTUS ticket?

    That fat fuck is probably too liberal for the 2016 Democratic ticket.

  2. You got that exactly wrong. I am a Noted MLS-Is-Pro-New-York-and-LA conspiratorialist. Save the false equivalences and strawmen for politics, Beloved.

    Which is not to say that Beloved made up the conversation. Just the orientation.

  3. Heh! But yes, the firestorm if all strawmen set up by everyone when lit would merely clear the dead brush for next season's strawmen.

    SeatSix says he's going to game Saturday. Odds?