Monday, August 19, 2013

For You Could Not, Could Never Fully Refute the Actual or Justify the Sad Heft of Your Body, Earn Your Rightful Space or Pay for the Parcels of Oxygen You Inherited


Mary Karr

I hope you’ve been taken up by Jesus
though so many decades have passed, so far apart we’d grown
     between love transmogrifying into hate and those sad letters
           and phone calls and your face vanishing into a noose that
I couldn’t
     today name the gods
           you at the end worshipped, if any, praise being
impossible for the devoutly miserable. And screw my church who’d
     roast in Hell poor suffering
           bastards like you, unable to bear the masks
of their own faces. With words you sought to shape
     a world alternate to the one that dared
           inscribe itself so ruthlessly across your eyes, for you
could not, could never
     fully refute the actual or justify the sad heft of your body, earn
           your rightful space or pay for the parcels of oxygen you
inherited. More than once you asked
     that I breathe into your lungs like the soprano in the opera
           I loved so my ghost might inhabit you and you ingest my belief
in your otherwise-only-probable soul. I wonder does your
     death feel like failure to everybody who ever
           loved you as if our collective cpr stopped
too soon, the defib paddles lost charge, the corpse
     punished us by never sitting up. And forgive my conviction
           that every suicide’s an asshole. There is a good reason I am not
God, for I would cruelly smite the self-smitten.
     I just wanted to say ha-ha, despite
           your best efforts you are every second
alive in a hard-gnawing way for all who breathed you deeply in,
     each set of lungs, those rosy implanted wings, pink balloons.
          We sigh you out into air and watch you rise like rain.


  1. Karrion poetry, though the line you chose is a wonderful one.

  2. I forwarded Lisa Douglas to Rusty to use for his farewell email when he tells AHRQ to "Fuck Off" at the end of the week.

    1. Only Landru would know this but that one will be going to Skeletor. The latter gives Thurmont a really bad name, not the least when she gets herself into an uproar about her neighbor's CEE-ment Pond.

  3. i never liked the "firebagger" nickname, and i'm glad it's now obsolete and superceded by "emo-prog"

    i'm proud to be an emo-prog - especially since it seems Prof. Col. Bacevich is one too

    and speaking of the self-smitten - last night we were talking about the suicide of my first cousin's son - she and her husband seem to have responded to it by becoming more compassionate human beings - does that mean they are "emo progs"? (probably not literally - they have the good fortune to be canadians)

    1. I was just called an emo-prog by a bud. I said, coming from an obamasshole, thanks! All's fine, though he's about to take a sip of the Coors Light pint I bought him, him thinking it a Sierra Nevada, for giggles.

  4. Good call, BDR! Both Huffpoo and Salon are running the reuters bs! Cha-Ching!

    1. It truly perplexes me that some fixate on Greenwald (even if, for argument's sake), Greenwald *is* fixated on himself too) rather than on what his reporting has revealed, not so much the spying itself (which, for argument's sake let's say we all assumed) but the actions of the Empire - in the wake of those revelations. Our overlords are puny and petty and frightened bullies and thugs.

    2. Indeed. The puniest peeps of all are the O-bots, who are truly freaked out that Greenwald is making a name for himself. They love this! Reminds me of that 15% who wouldn't let Dumbya be anything other than awesome. I now know that cuts both ways, which sucks...but makes total sense.

  5. Older daughter's birthday today so instead of checking your blog first thing a.m. I was making her some banana bread. And yesterday was the younger one's birthday (older one minus 8 years). Anyways, great Monday post and thinking I might change my handle to Mr. Abonilox. Has a nice ring to it and I never thought of it.

    Oh and like the updated theme song links on the left. Looks great.

    1. Happies to all. Strangest thing - one's children seem to both have gotten here yesterday and simultaneously been here forever.

      Wasn't sure what your nom-de-blog policy is re: real name or not, so I chose safely. And thanks for Kind words.

    2. re nom de blog totally depends on my varying level of paranoia. Today and past month or so VERY HIGH. Has nothing to do with anything happening in the real world I'm sure.

    3. maintenance of intertube nom de blog is useful only for security from freelance crazies and very low-level authorities - anyone with the power to send a drone to blow up your house (will it come to that? - let's hope not) or put you on the no-fly list already can easily discover your meatspace name and location