Though I can't fix or replace broken links, emmeffing crackers won't let me
Anxiety day dark, I've a sore on gums I daydream it's cancer
tonight the night my life ends on the drive home
I must be asymptomatic, between my job and my wife's one of us has given it to the other or will soon
I've not been botcrawled like I'm being from Frankfurt Germany for the past four days in months, each ping a different IP but all alibaba, Death to the Either/Or allows me to be both proudly vain and vainly weirded
Which means I still look at the shitty blogs stats so fuck me
Did you see how fast Democrats pivoted from blame Trump for plague to blame you for plague, you can google it? a coworker did not find funny today
Books of Jacob, I'm literally halfway as I type this, I don't want to read it every day but am unable to read anything else, I understand the themes if not the allusions and references and that must be what's compelling me but since Death to the Either/Or I must confess I feel compelled to finish because (a) as an object to physically hold and read it's a perfect book and (b) time invested and (c) the promises offered and (b) time invested, which marks the first time since I allowed myself to abandon novels without writing a fucking paragraph about it to feel guilty about quitting a novel, so (d) something gad and something bood is happening even if (e) for long stretches it doesn't feel like it and (f) I (a)(b)(c)(d)(e)(f)ed myself
There's a reason all posts here but two per year tagged My Complicity
Frownland one of this shitty blog's Theme Songs, I don't remember which number and I forget some of the others, and Beefheart a member of the Circle of Rotating Bands/Musicians for the two of five not permanently assigned chairs in My Sillyass Deserted Island Five Game, I couldn't name all the others under threat of cracker authoritarianism, anxiety day dark, fuck me
FOR EMILY WILSON
A.R. Ammons
Such a long time as the wave idling gathers
lofts and presses forward into the curvature
of the height before one realizes that the
tension completes itself with a fall through air,
disorganization the prelude to the meandering
of another gather and hurl, the necessary:
ah, what can one make to absorb the astonishment:
you should have seen me the merchant at market
this morning: the people ogled me with severe
goggles: maids, buying in manners and measures
beyond themselves, stared into my goods and
then grew horror-eyed: wives still as distant
from day as a carrot from dinner took the
misconnection sagely, a usual patience:
peashells, I said, long silky peashells: cobs,
I said, long cobs: husks and shucks, I said:
one concerned person pointed out that my whole
economy was wrong; yes, I said, but I have
nothing else to sell: and I said to her, won't
you appreciate the silky beds where seeds
have lain: she had not come to that: and
how about this residence all the grains have
left: won't you buy it and think about it:
not for dinner, she said: rinds, I cried,
rinds and peelings: there was some interest
in those, as for a marmalade, but no one willing,
finally, to do the preparations: absurd, one
woman shouted, and then I grew serious: can you
do with that: but she was off before we fully
met: you should have seen me the merchant at
market this morning: will bankruptcy make a
go of it: will the leavings be left only: the
wave turns over and does not rise again, that wave.
Morton Feldman born 96 years ago today, yes I knew and didn't Bowie last week, yes I know and there will be at least one Beefheart song here three days from now unless there isn't
Sarek is home, we broke him out of prison, which means Sarek may be reading about Sarek for the first time, Sarek, this is an honorific name and done only with love and respect for you. Ask SeatSix to explain the allusion
Hilltop so wants to be in an Ivy and will never be an Ivy no matter how much it acts in shady complicity with the Ivies, but laugh, I bet you digital pints the fucks that rule Hilltop more giddy by the headline than worried about fucking legal liability of their laughably lame laundry liability
Earthgirl's bday too today, send her a bump in whatever your preferred digital way
ANOTHER EXOTIC INTRODUCTION
Tom Clark
Nothing but psychodrama and disillusionment in the canyons of the wealthy
Still there's a swell surprise up Gibraltar Road a ways where the red-yellow spectra of the rising sun to the left (east) swim up above the marine layer starting down around Ventura County and all Montecito's hazed terrarial shadows erupt at once
The resultant story of wild peach liqueur spilled on dirty pillows
My first job was delivering the Washington Post every morning, I had the Oakton-Woodland-Rolling perimeter, include Tulip and Hutton north of Woodland
second job at Mario’s Pizza on Summit across from elementary school I went to first grade (and met Willy Bayne, who, out of courtesy to you, I don’t remind you of the running down the cat in his green dodge dart on Ten Mile Creek Road everytime we hike Ten Mile Creek Trail which we do at least once a month, it’s the best trail in Moco)
third job was Asbury Methodist Home, an old folks harvesting factory in Gaithersburg that since has grown twenty-fold, four excellent and distinct eighteen-hole disc-golf courses could be built on the campus
I worked six weeks in the Sorry, you’re-soon-to-be-dead building as a janitor
Of course the physical distress of the patients horribly disturbing at times and yes what you imagine a janitor in a Sorry, you’re-soon-to-be-dead building often mops up this janitor mopped up but what was worse were the looks on the face of those aware enough to know what happened, the mortification, the humiliation, the despair they couldn’t will themselves to death
I quit to take a job at Arnolds Diner on Redland Road across from where now sits the big red Teachers Credit Union for hours Thursday and Friday nights and Saturdays until six for two dollars less an hour and am who I am typing this poem tonight because I did
The means exist to yoink Sarek out as soon as can be discovered, navigated, then implemented both at a get out of now but what about next level
SeatSix showed up tonight with dinner and the front desk refused entry and would and/or could not say why, though the place is three pestilential floors of contaminated human aerosol projectiles
I work at a mid-sized university and watch undergraduates flount masking rules and never felt worry, full-vaxxed and boosted and properly masked me
1/100th of the worry I get in that three-floored petrie dish
I have no idea if Sarek's been swabbed, I assume he has but who knows
No one asked me for my vaxdox, my temp was 97.2 like it always is, I checked a box on the screen vouching for my vaxdox, I understand, help has enough with the dying without fighting the dyings’ un-vaxxed visits
I forget the order much less have a complete inventory in my head of jobs 4 through my current job, there were dozens, Roys Place of course on Diamond, we all worked there, a landscaping place that ran out of a room in the Holiday Hotel on Walnut Hill where now a storage facility squats, a place on Oakmont on the railroad tracks that made windows and door frames, that job in the short few weeks taught me enough about crackers to not been wrong about them since, Crown Books of course where I met Hamster and then Earthgirl, a photomat in a strip mall in Annapolis when Earthgirl and I lived in Deale
Willy Bayne got me a job at Highs, I made it to second key night manager, without that job I would not got the Crown job and Planet wouldn't exist
Cookie Factory and Alpine Pantry in Lakeforest Mall
The only job I ever quit *not* because fuck this and fuck you the Sorry, you're-soon-to-be-dead building job, I've felt complicit ever since
